When anger turns to tears

I don’t even remember being this angry in my entire life. Just angry all the time. 

Sometimes the anger can come right after a laugh. It’s crazy how it just sits there, directly underneath all my emotions, waiting to pounce the moment I bend. 

I knew raising a child would be difficult, but this is another level. And the constant worry about our future just presses on me like a boulder that I’m trying to hold up and walk around with…

It’s really hard to accept this life. I love my son, but I’m angry and I don’t know where or who to direct my anger toward. 

I’m angry that I can’t make him better. 

I’m angry that I just want it to be a tiny bit easier, but the older and bigger he gets, the harder it is. 

We see a different doctor for every single issue. EVERY SINGLE ISSUE. And not one can tell me how to help my son. Not.A.One. 9 months of searching. And we are nowhere. 

I feel like I’m drowning. And I’m just so angry I could cry. Every single day.