So it begins..or continues? Who knows anymore

The day is here. Today we travel to Houston for our first specialist visit with the neuro ophthalmologist. We also get to see a developmental pediatrician and pediatric neurologist.

Is it possible to be scared and excited at the same time?

I’m about 90/10. 

I wish we didn’t have to go through this…I wish everyday for a little more normal. 

I don’t even feel like the same person I used to be. I feel weaker, but I also kind of feel stronger. It’s a weird balance. 

I can’t imagine ever thinking of having any more children. This has been quite the experience. Not necessarily good, not necessarily bad. It just is. 

I get a Carter out of it all and for that I am grateful. But if he isn’t happy and hurting and can’t enjoy life, how do I deal with that? How do I deal with the fact that I gave him this life? 

The questions continue. The struggle continues.