Searching for answers

I am going to be completely honest and say I don’t think there are any articles I have yet to read on Dr. Internet. I am googled out, for lack of a better term.

I spend my days searching and reading…feeling the need to start a checklist and mark off each test Little Man goes through. Lord knows I need to keep track!

I think the worst part about this mess is having no answer. Having no answer means a delay in moving forward because I’m not sure how. I spend so much of my time helping Carter through therapy, I’m afraid I’m losing all the time I have to just be his mom.

I just want to cuddle and hang out sometimes, damnit. I just want him to look at me. I just want us to just be. Tears well up in my eyes thinking we will never just be. I’ll never get the pleasure of his beautiful eyes seeing me and knowing me. And I’m scared.