I'm not in this alone
I spent the better half of Carter's last two years under the cloudy impression that Carter and I are the only ones affected by this disorder. My questions were always "Why me?" or "What did I do to deserve this?" It was as if Casey wasn't even a part of everything happening. I mistook his calm silence as unaffected. See, we are two extremely different people. We are the billboard couple for opposites attract. I talk. ALOT. About life and my emotions and the future. Casey, on the other hand, does not. I never know whats running through his head, even if I ask, its always a simple answer. I have broken down hundreds of times since Carter's birth, while Casey has had two breakdowns. Those were only breakdowns I am aware of. Then I realize...the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life is also the hardest for Casey. He suffers silently.
Statistics show that the majority of families with special needs children end in divorce. In the beginning, this made me afraid. How in the hell am I supposed to keep my job intact, our finances intact, our animals intact, our CHILD intact and our marriage intact? The beginning was so hard. Not taking away from the fact that is has not gotten easier, per se, though it was definitely harder than it is now. As time went on, I realized that these statistics have zero to do with the special needs children and more to do with the people who signed into the marriage. ALL of the people I know who have gotten divorced, and there are lots, do not have special needs kids. They are average people, some with children and some without, who just could not make it work together. And that's okay. I think lots of people think once you find this "soul mate", your world will be complete. Though somewhat true, it is very hard work.
Things don't just magically get figured out. It's not smooth sailing. This perfect person has faults. Faults that you will have to decide are or are not deal breakers. Our "for better or worse" is not the "for better or worse" we expected, but instead an ever-changing, how do we handle this, day in and day out situation. Have we been on the brink of divorce? Hell yes. More than once. But we are 100% real with each other. We stand up for ourselves, we are not doormats, and we respect the hell out of each other for it. We take breaks from each other, we have hobbies that don't include the other. And sometimes, we DO go to sleep angry. Because that's how life works. We manage. Day by day by day.
After 13 years of day in and day out with Casey, I would rather him be at my side with all his faults, than out of my life completely. Carter and I are blessed.
Statistics show that the majority of families with special needs children end in divorce. In the beginning, this made me afraid. How in the hell am I supposed to keep my job intact, our finances intact, our animals intact, our CHILD intact and our marriage intact? The beginning was so hard. Not taking away from the fact that is has not gotten easier, per se, though it was definitely harder than it is now. As time went on, I realized that these statistics have zero to do with the special needs children and more to do with the people who signed into the marriage. ALL of the people I know who have gotten divorced, and there are lots, do not have special needs kids. They are average people, some with children and some without, who just could not make it work together. And that's okay. I think lots of people think once you find this "soul mate", your world will be complete. Though somewhat true, it is very hard work.
Things don't just magically get figured out. It's not smooth sailing. This perfect person has faults. Faults that you will have to decide are or are not deal breakers. Our "for better or worse" is not the "for better or worse" we expected, but instead an ever-changing, how do we handle this, day in and day out situation. Have we been on the brink of divorce? Hell yes. More than once. But we are 100% real with each other. We stand up for ourselves, we are not doormats, and we respect the hell out of each other for it. We take breaks from each other, we have hobbies that don't include the other. And sometimes, we DO go to sleep angry. Because that's how life works. We manage. Day by day by day.
After 13 years of day in and day out with Casey, I would rather him be at my side with all his faults, than out of my life completely. Carter and I are blessed.
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