16 months in and counting

Isn’t it funny when you post a who am I blog entry, then have an epiphany in the bathtub? 

It is. 

I think I’m so lost because I’m no longer the person I was. There is a pre-Lauren and a post-Lauren. The in between has been the journey so far. A journey I have not followed so gracefully.

There are moments I wish I could forget. Post partum affected me worse than I thought it would. I felt like the alcoholic who was getting an intervention and couldn’t understand why people were so concerned. 

I tried therapy. It was a no go. I finally gave in 15 months later, after I cried myself to sleep realizing I can’t do this by myself, and started medication. It was the best decision of my life. I am starting to feel happy and whole again. But I will never forget the ugly, raw life I clawed at from rock bottom, just trying to find the light. 

It will always be there. It will always be a part of me. I am not ashamed of that dark place. I just don’t want to visit anymore.

Fast forward to now. My priorities have changed. I will achieve my dreams. My dreams are just a little different now…